Oh, what a bittersweet time this is for me! During the month of February, my beloved husband, Lord Shiva, did a huge Dissolution Dance on top of my head, requiring me to let go of so many things that I had attached to as part of my “identity”. Oh, the grief… and oh, the relief! Today I am filled with Gratitude as I rest in my deepest Self, knowing that I AM the Fire of my Soul, regardless of the constant external changes.

One of those changes is letting go of the weekly Radiance Rising Circles (for now) while I adjust to working at my new job (manager of my brother’s outdoor gear shoppe), and spend some time regrouping and rejuvenating. Last night, at the last Radiance Rising Circle (for now), I expressed my Gratitude for what a sweet family we’d become. There were sixteen of us in the circle, which was a very special number for me, because my dear teacher David La Chapelle (who is “Basil” in my books and who left his body in July 2009) often said that I track on sixteen levels. In my spiritual memoir, The Rita Lila: A Western Yogini’s Journey to Bliss, I quote David many times referring to “the sixteen tracks”.

Last night we chanted to Kali, to Krishna, and to Shiva; sat in silent meditation; enjoyed prasad of cookies, chocolates, and an amazing huckleberry delight (thank you, Debbie!); and then I read some teachings about Lord Shiva in preparation for Wednesday night’s ShivaRatri event. My favorite part of the readings was this passage by Amma, my beloved Guru:

“At the cremation grounds, all material desires and the body, which is the instrument used to fulfill those desires, are reduced to ashes. And there, where those desires are absent and there is no body-consciousness, Lord Shiva dances in bliss… The meaning of this is not that bliss comes to us only after death. Everything is within us. We and the universe are one. Both are equally complete. When the attachment to the body dies in the fire of Self-awareness, we are automatically filled with bliss. Shiva’s body is decorated with ashes from the funeral pyres. This is the symbol of having conquered all desires.” (From The Eternal Truth by Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, M.A. Mission Trust, Kerala, India, 2007)

Although I feel very sad to let the circles go, I trust that they will re-emerge in the right way, at the right time. Thank you to all the beautiful beings who attended the Radiance Rising Circles. I look forward to practicing with you again soon!

May all beings everywhere turn inward and find the Bliss!

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of some of the sixteen by Rob Gustaveson.