On August 11^th I posted a blog called “Issues with Rama,” in which I outlined the things that bothered me when I read The Ramayana: A Modern Retelling of the Great Indian Epic by Ramesh Menon (North Point Press, New York, 2001, 2003). I posted the blog link on Facebook and received a few comments, but they did not help me resolve my issues with Rama. For the past four weeks I have felt an underlying distress at my inability to get back into devotion to Rama. During that time, I journaled, prayed, worried, and waited.

Earlier today, a thought passed through that did not seem to be part of my regular thinking mind. Rather, this thought kind of floated by, as if out on a screen somewhere beyond me. The thought was, ‘Couldn’t you just start chanting to Ram again, and just forget about all that?’ My rational mind quickly answered, ‘Nope – I gotta find true resolution in my own heart. I can’t just brush it aside and pretend to be resolved.’

So then, this evening, while cooking a pot of curried lentils and chanting along with my Mukti CD, I suddenly felt inspired to turn on a Krishna Das chant to Ram, “Shri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram.” (I searched YouTube, and couldn’t find the exact chant from his “Heart Full of Soul” CD, but I did find a video of him singing to Ram with beautiful illustrations from the Ramayana. To view, click here on Shri Ram Jai Ram.) As soon as I started chanting along with those beloved syllables, I fell on the kitchen floor sobbing.

There was no grand intellectual resolution in which I suddenly understood everything that Rama did. Rather, there was one instant of feeling the Pure Love that is Ram. It really was as simple as just chanting Ramanama, the holy Name of Lord Ram. From the depths of my heart I wept, feeling the sweetness of that Reunion.

The funny thing is, about an hour before falling on the floor sobbing, I took this photo of myself, and I named it “teja_bhakti.” At the time, I didn’t understand why I named the photo that, since I wasn’t feeling any more devotional than usual, but once I fell into Love with Rama again, I realized the significance of the photo’s name. Indeed, I am back in Rama Bhakti, the Devotion to Ram. I am thinking about Rama and Sita’s Pure Love and understanding the devotion between them.

I am thinking of Gandhi-ji, and how he uttered “He Rama,” which means “Oh God,” even as his assassin shot him in the chest. And I am also thinking of my Guru, Sri Neem Karoli Baba-ji, and how he said “Ram” repeatedly throughout his days.  During my little bout of issues with Rama, I tried to tell myself that Gandhi-ji and Neem Karoli Baba-ji loved Rama, so I should too, but that didn’t work because I needed to find it for myself. Now that I have found the Love for Rama in my heart once again, I feel so relieved. Jai Sri Rama!

May all beings everywhere know Peace and Happiness.

Om Shanti (Peace),

Yogini Tejaswini

Photo of Teja Bhakti by Teja Shankara.